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Fri Jokes

Sun: Greg, Mon: Ian, Tue: Greg, Wed: Ian, Thur: Greg, Fri: Ian, Sat: Greg

It's the Gregorian calendar.

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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.

Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREF...

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I work in a factory that makes McDonalds french fries...

One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he had already made his mind up to do it. I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. "So you went ahead and did it?" "Yeah, and I got caught, so they ...

I saw a good looking guy at McDonalds spank his kid for throwing his fries on the ground.

So I threw my fries on the ground too

An old man placed an order for one hamburger, french fries and a drink...

He unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half, placing one half in front of his wife.

He then carefully counted out the french fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then s...

A hungry traveler stopped at a monastery and was taken to the kitchen where a brother was frying chips...

"Are you the friar?" he asked.

The brother replied "No. I'm the chip monk."

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France?

They were cooked in Greece.

I like my camgirls like I like my French fries.

Steaming hot and covered in oil.

Where was the first chicken fried?

In Greece.

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I tried to share some fries with a homeless man today

He told me to Fuck off and buy my own

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I went to Wendy’s and ordered two large fries

The asshole served me hundred tiny ones

Did you hear about the two fries walking down the street?

They were a salted.

Sam Bankman-Fried has been arrested

He is now Sam Bankman-Jailed

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So there was an assassin who charged $10,000 per bullet.

A guy comes up to him in the bar one day and says, "Are you the guy who charges $10,000 a bullet?" "Yep." "What if you miss?" He looks at the man, deadly serious. "I don't miss." "Okay! Well, I've got $20,000. I just found out my wife is having an affair with my best friend. They're at the motel tog...

You fry fries...

But you should never cook cooks.

I'm a 5G installation engineer and people are constantly accusing me with bizarre conspiracy theories, such as how 5G is giving them headaches, or killing their sperm. I think they are completely crazy.

4G must've fried their brains.

A young man came to the library counter and said, "Give me some fries and a cola."

The receptionist at the counter was surprised and said, ”Young man, this is the library!"

The young man looked apologetic and repeated in a small, quiet voice, "Give me some fries and a cola."

You shouldn't see any horror movie today

It May, Fri 10 you

Edit (after 9 hours) : I am so very sorry I posted this too late. I am reading a lot of comments saying they can't tell this to anyone now since it's now the 11th. I had been waiting a long time for this and set up calendar reminders and everything but didn't see the remind...

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Everyone loves potato skins and french fries,

But nobody likes dick taters.

A boy reads a restaurant sign that advertised fat-free free French fries.

“Sounds great!” said the health conscious boy, as he ordered some.

He watched as a the cook pulled a basket of fries from the fryer. The potatoes were dripping with oil when the cook put them in the box.

“Wait a minute, those don’t look fat free!”

“They sure are,” the cook said...

A priest and a Rabbi are very good friends, so they decide to go to a remote lake for a swim.

Of course they're swimming naked as you do. All of a sudden, two busses pull up. Out of one pours the rabbis congregation and out of the other pours the priests congregation. Their clothes are on the other side of the lake so they don't have time to retrieve them, they just have to make a run for it...

A guy says to a librarian "I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

The librarian says "I'm sorry sir but this is a library".

The guy says *whispering* "Oh, sorry, I'd like a Big Mac, French Fries and a Coke"

Who is a deep fried rodent’s favourite actor?

Chris Pratt

I went to McDonalds and Wendy’s and Burger Kings and all the fries were burnt!

Then I realized it’s Black Fryday

TIL The first 'French Fries' weren't fried in France.

They were fried in grease.

Credit: ~~Bob &Tom in the Morning~~ All Me Baby. No credit to anyone else.

I never order shrimp-fried rice.

Call me old fashioned, but I like my food to be prepared by a human.

What did Zeus use to make the best fries ever?

Ancient Greece

Cardinal: Your holiness, do you like fried chicken?

Pope:yes

My wife gave out to me this morning, because our fridge was full of stir fry.

Oh god I must have being sleep wokking again.

My friend drops French fries when he eats them. I told him to try onion rings because they're easier to hold, so he switched but it's still a problem.

They’re dropping like fries.

Handjobs [nsfw]

A man stands in front of a food truck and reads the menu:

"Cheeseburgers: $5

Fries: $3

Handjobs: $10."

He walks up to the window and asks the beautiful blonde working behind the counter, "Are you the one that gives the handjobs?"

"Yes, I am," she replies seductivel...

Why does the Dairy Queen have small fries?

Because the Burger King forgets to wrap his Whopper!

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Why do black people eat fried chicken?

Because it tastes good.

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A guy walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich and a cat behind him..

The waitress asks for their orders. The guy says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $18.40 please." The man reaches into his pocket an...

Why should you carry french fries with you when walking your dog on a cold day?

French fries go well with chili dogs

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What do you call a Japanese deep fried mattress?

A Tempura-Pedic

Where do cannibals go to eat deep fried food?

The battered women's shelter

Why were the burger and fries running

Because they’re fast food

Wanna hear a joke about french fries?

Probably not, it might be a bit salty.

I am a fried nut

A string walks into a bar, and the bartender's all like "HEY, WE DON'T SERVE STRING IN HERE". Now obviously this makes the string very angry, so he goes outside and just goes CRAZY. He's rolling around, punching walls, hitting the ground, and by the time he's finally tired out he got himself all tie...

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An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.

"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew.
"But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew.
"That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the...

What is the difference between organic fried chicken and GMO fried chicken?

It's CRISPR.

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A CNN reporter, a BBC reporter, and an Israeli commando are captured by ISIS in Syria.

The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded.

The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.”

The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger &am...

Mon, Tues, Weds, Thurs, Fri, Sat, Sun.

That might sound weird, but it's just a bit of everyday speech.

I like fried chick peas....

But I dont think it agrees with me. Everytime I eat them I Falafel.

Some people love deep fried pork rind, somw hate it.

To Chicharron.

Fries

Bobby was a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females.

He hired a French guy who didn`t speak much English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, Bobby and the French guy ha...

Bros v. Hoes

A woman doesn't come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house.
The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept ...

When I had dinner with my parents at a restaurant, they argued over whether we should get french fries or mashed potatoes to go with the steak. They asked me whom I agreed with,

but I couldn't pick a side

What do science and deep fried food at the Texas State Fair have in common?

At their core, both concepts ask if you could but not if you should

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My 8 year old niece told me this yesterday...

A man goes to the fish market and walks up to a stall. There is a young boy selling fish. The boy is shouting "BUY MY DAMN FISH!". The man says you can't say that! The boy responds. "What do you mean? I caught them at the dam. These are dam fish." The man says okay and buys some and brings them home...

What do french fries do when they met after a long time?

They ketchup

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A women is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror.

"Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!"

The wife, startled at her husband's violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

"You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!"...

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An American was talking to a Japanese friend on why he wouldn't eat french fries and hamburgers...

The Japanese friend said: "In Japan normally we don't eat a lot of unhealthy stuff because it'll make us fat".

The American said: "Why do you care about being fat?"

The Japanese friend said: "You don't want to know what happened last time when we had a fat man in Japan..."

Some people are like the fries at the bottom of a bag . . .

You may not notice them at first, but you'll be glad they're there when you find them.

A hamburger walks into a bar and orders French fries.

Bartender replies rudely "We don't serve food here".

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