UPJOKE

Feeling Down Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Next time you’re feeling down remember life is all about perspective

I have a friend who has sex 2-3x a day, exercises twice a day, reads two books a week yet every day he complains about how much he hates prison

If you're ever feeling down...

Just remember, you're closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is!

I told my wife I was feeling down.

I said "Honey, when I look in the mirror, all I see is a fat, ugly pig. I really you to say something nice about me."

She said, "Well, your eyesight is perfect."

I'm feeling down in the dumps...

Looks like she's been eating the duvet again

When I'm feeling down.

I just remind myself that I've won just as many Oscars as Leonardo Dicaprio

I've been feeling down, so I bought some new socks

Cause you know what they say:

A hat warms the head

A coat warms the body

But socks warm the sole.

My wife was feeling down...

So i pulled a piece of pasta from my pocket, handed it to her, and asked "penne for your thoughts?" Now I'm divorced and without a home for telling a fusili pasta jokes.

When I'm feeling down and someone says, "Suck it up," .....

I get the urge to break their legs, and say, "Walk it off."

My friend sent me a text saying he was feeling down and wanted to hear a joke to cheer him up

I told “Don’t worry, I’ll tell you a joke later, I’m with my girlfriend right now.”

He said “That was a good one, keep them coming!”

I was feeling down when my friend told me what would happen in a movie I wanted to watch...

..but spoilers add to the downforce.

My SO was feeling down today..

G: I feel fat when i look in the mirror, can you compliment me to make me feel better?

B: You have great eyesight.

If you’re ever feeling down just remember that...

People in hell are always looking up to you!

Why does Bono sing acapella when hes feeling down?

It takes the edge off it

If you're feeling down today....

Just know that earlier I took a two hour course online about why you should NEVER leave your Common Access Card unattended,


And then accidentally left it in the computer after I was done.

The best thing about a bad joke when you're feeling down?

For a short time it takes the pun away.

Why was the electoral map feeling down?

It wasn't, it was feeling blue.

When you're feeling down just remember you are unique

Just like everyone else

I've been feeling down all evening...

I think my duvet has split.

A guy gets diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and is feeling down, his doctor tells him that type 2 is less serious than type 1 and that he should stay optimistic, the patient replies "doctor, please don't sugar-coat it for me"...

Doctor says: "sir, I'm being candyd"

What did the Moh’s hardness scale say when it was feeling down?

“I don’t want to talc about it”

When I'm feeling down, I tend to look at pictures of my well-endowed ex-girlfriends...

That really brings back some good mammaries.

I was feeling down the other day, so I threw some bleach over my Muslim friend...

I thought it'd lighten Mahmood.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three new cellmates are contemplating their life sentences in prison.

The first guy pulls out a deck of playing cards and says, “Don’t worry, guys. I brought these cards with me so that we can play poker to pass the time.”

The second guy pulls out a harmonica and says, “I brought this harmonica so that I can play some music to cheer us up when we’re feeling dow...

When I’m feeling down my friend keeps saying ‘Cheer up, you could be stuck in a big fish, like Jonah!’

I know he means whale.

Yesterday and today I stuck my hand inside feather pillows.

Is it normal that I'm feeling down?

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