UPJOKE
leavemigrateeuroperefugeehuman migrationgo awayemigrationimmigratedecampresettleddeportedforsakeassimilateresettleabandon

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A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

A Russian Jew had been allowed to emigrate to Israel.

At Moscow airport, customs found a Lenin statue in his baggage and asked him, "What is this?"

The man replied, "What is this? Wrong question comrade. You should have asked : Who is he? This is Comrade Lenin. He laid the foundations...

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An old Jewish man was finally allowed to leave the Soviet Union, to emigrate to Israel.

When he was searched at the Moscow airport, the customs official found a bust of Lenin.

Customs: What is that?

Old man: What is that? What is that?! Don't say "What is that?" say "Who is that?" That is Lenin! The genius who thought up this worker's paradise!

The official laughed...

A cowboy emigrated to Wales

and opened a ranch at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch



Unfortunately, none of his cattle survived the branding.

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A Soviet Jew applies for an exit visa so he could emigrate to Israel.

As a result, he is summoned to the KGB headquarters.

ā€œI see that you want to move to Israel?ā€ asks the KGB interrogator. The Jewish man nods.

ā€œHere in the USSR, donā€™t you have food to eat?ā€

ā€œYeah, I canā€™t complain.ā€

ā€œAnd here in the USSR, donā€™t you have place to live?ā€...

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A Jew is being held in prison in the Soviet Union for trying to emigrate to Israel

The Jew was studying Hebrew in his cell when the guard sneered at him, "Why are you wasting your time studying that language? You know you'll die here."

The Jew replied, "It is said that Hebrew is the language spoken in Heaven."

The Guard asked, "What if you go to hell?"

To whic...

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So, two guys emigrate from Afghanistan to the US

They say, let's meet in 10 years and see who has become more American. 10 years pass and they meet. One guy says " Today I mowed the lawn, took my son to little league, and went to McDonalds. Let's see you top that." The other guy says "you fucking rag head."

Three Chinese brothers emigrated to the U.S.

They were told to change their names, Bu, Chu, and Fu, into names sounding more familiar for American ears, so Bu became Buck, Chu became Chuck, and Fu went back to China.

Why were so many Italians who emigrated to the US named Tony?

They stamped TO NY on their foreheads.

Three chinese emigrate to USA

Bu, Lu and Fu from China goes to America, but in order to get around easier, they decide to Americanize their names. Thus, Bu becomes Buck, Lu becomes Luck, and Fu...well, he goes back to China.

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Alessandro was all excited to emigrate to America from Italy

But just few days later he was back in his home town. His friends asked him ā€œAlessandro wha happen?ā€
Alessandro said ā€œWell I landa in New York and its a too cold. I say America land of the free, I go anywhere do anything. I taka the train to Florida. On the train, I smoka cigarette. The conducta ...

Two American communists decide they would like to emigrate to the Soviet Union.

The two men, names Ron and John, did not trust the negative things they had heard about the USSR in the press, since they believed that was just capitalist propaganda meant to discredit communism. However, just to be sure, the men formulated a plan to investigate what the country was like personally...

Jack emigrates to a strange new country in search of a job.

When he arrives at the terminal, the customs officer gives him one piece of strange advice before he enters the country.

ā€œWhatever you do, donā€™t step on a duckā€

Jack thought this advice was strange, but as he walked out the airport he saw thousands of ducks flood his view, so much so t...

4 friends decide to emigrate from China to the United States

Their names are Chu, Tu, Bu, and Fu.
They have a discussion and decide that it may be a good idea to change their names to sound more western, so they improvise on their names.
Chu changes his name to Chuck,
Tu changes his name to Tuck,
Bu changes his name to Buck,
And Fu decides to g...

Emigrating to America

Two brothers have a lifelong dream to immigrate to America. They work hard and save their money. After many years, they have saved enough money and finally emigrate into New York.

Before they begin building their new lives in America, they decide to see some of the famous places they dreamed ...

A man trying to emigrate to Scandinavia found the process too daunting to complete.

He was never Finnished.

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My all-time favorite Soviet joke

> IT IS LIKE THE SOVIET JOKE about Rabinovitch, a Jewish man who wants to emigrate. The bureaucrat at the emigration office asks him why, and Rabinovitch answers: ā€œThere are two reasons. The first is that Iā€™m afraid that in the Soviet Union, the communists will lose power, and the new power will ...

Working in Germany

Two Bosnians, Mujo and Haso, decided to emigrate to Germany to find a job. Since they had no passports, they dressed as monkeys and jumped on a transport train to the zoo in Leipzig. When they arrived, they were put in a cage with a tiger. As they were trembling in the corner, the tiger approached t...

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HITLER WAS IRISH!!

When Hitler lived in Ireland he went by the name of Spud Murphy
He changed his name when he emigrated to Germany, calling himself Dick Tater

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus

Paddy, Mick, and Seamus were from a small village in Ireland. Every Sunday they used to go to the local pub, sit at the bar and order a pint of Guinness each. This tradition went on every Sunday for years until Seamus emigrated to England. Before he left the 3 made a pact that, wherever they were in...

Two Rabbis are walking down the street and they walk past a Catholic church advertising a $50 payout for anyone who converts that day...

The one Rabbi looks at the other and says, "I think I am going to go in there, convert, and get the 50 dollars." The other Rabbi looks at him in disbelief and says, "You must be joking! Your grandfather was a studious Rabbi in Russia, your father emigrated to this country and also became a Rabbi, an...

A man walks into a bar..

He orders 3 double wiskeys on the rocks. Tbe bartender pours the drinks and the man pays after finishing them.
The next month the man walks in orders 3 double wiskeys on the rocks and again the bar tender pours them and the man pays after finishing.
This continues a few months and the barman a...

Let me introduce the little known tale of Curtis Remond.

Curtis was born in the small town of New York, the only child of a rich and famous banking family. Curtisā€™ father was a banker. Curtisā€™ grandfather was a banker. The banking linage runs as far back in the family as time can remember, ever since Gerald Redmond had emigrated from Killarney back in the...

Theme 2: Polish

--Q: How do you get a one-armed Pole out of a tree?

--A: Wave to him.


Q: What is long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding
night?

A: A new last name.


--Q: Did you hear about the Pole who studied for 5 days?

--A: He was scheduled to take a u...

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