UPJOKE
fateluckfortunegodlotpredestinationkarmaprovidencedivineprophecydoomportionfuturelifesupernatural

Destiny Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why should you never fight Destiny?

Because then you will have to fight the bouncers, and every other stripper in the club.

I like to think I’m a pretty good man. I give over 50% of my paycheck to Charity.

But when she’s not working I give it to Destiny.

I’ve got a date with destiny

And for 50$ an hour, not bad.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is never a good idea to fight Destiny.

Because then you'll have to fight the other strippers and the bouncer too.

Why did the chicken of destiny cross the road?

Robert Frost: "To cross the road less traveled by."

Johann Friedrich von Goethe: "The eternal hen-principle made it do it."

Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It didn't cross the road; it TRANSCENDED it."

.
.
.

... Ernest Hemingway (*whispers*): "To die. In the rain."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can't fight destiny

Well you can, but then you're going to have to fight the bouncers and probably all the other strippers too.

The year is 1799. Napoleon is strategizing with his advisors. A map of Europe is on the table before them...

Napoleon says "Behold, Gentlemen! Our destiny lies within our grasp!"

One advisor asks "What is your plan, General?"

Napoleon slams his fist on the table. "All of Europe will fall to our forces. We shall take it piece by piece until our empire is established. My first step will be to u...

I met my current girlfriend at a midnight game release

It was destiny

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once had a woman tell me it's destiny.

That was the last time I asked a stripper her name.

My girlfriend texted me that the relationship cannot continue because I played too much video games.

Looks like it was my Destiny 2 break up with her.

If I ever win the lottery I'll give some of the money to charity.

.....And if she isn't dancing that night I'll give some Destiny

Before and after marriage

**Before**

\- I have waited this day so long!

· Will you leave me?

\- Never!

· Do you love me?

\- Of course, yes!

· Will you ever lie to me?

\- Never!

· Will you kiss me?

\- Whenever I can!

· Will you hurt me?

\- No fool!...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man is looking for a long lost treasure and comes across an old witch.

He says, "I'm looking for the Treasure of the Hidden Sea. Do you know where to find it?"

She smiles and says, "I do. But there is a price to pay if you do."

"I'll pay anything," the man says knowing that he's been looking for this treasure for three decades. "Just tell me how to get ...

I once heard a story of a man who played Destiny, trying to get the greatest boots of all time, named The Dubstep Grieves.

He died waiting for the drop.

Guess who woke up to 27 missed calls from their ex

Destiny, please come back

I like Donald Trump how I like Destiny

Overhyped and without a campaign.

A priest has a moment of weakness. He decides to go to a brothel.

Being a faithful servant of the lord until recently, he's overwhelmed. He sees one lady named destiny and immediately falls in love.

She's repulsed by him though, they just did not mesh.

The father leaves and returns the next day with flowers but destiny still will not have anything t...

„Wow a PS10! What games do you got?“

„GTA 5, The Witcher 3, Destiny 2 and Minecraft“

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The stripper's parents didn't have faith that their daughter would go on to do something better...

They just didn't believe in destiny.

How many Jedi does it take to screw in a hallway lightbulb?

None, because once you start down the dark path forever will it dominate your destiny.

Did you ever hear of Juan the Magnificent?

Juan was just a young man growing up in rural Mexico. He felt he had little chance to grow up and do anything of importance or recognition. He'd grow up and work the land. The same as his father and his grandfather before him.


Until the day he saw the great magician Harry Houdini.

...

Why didn't Bungie stick with Halo?

Because it wasn't their Destiny.

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

O.C. A coupon has an existential crisis...

A coupon has an existential crisis. He's been sitting in the utility drawer when he notices his expiration date is in a few days.Feeling useless, he walks out of the house and down the road until he comes upon a synagogue. In front of the synagogue is a Rabbi. The Rabbi asks: "Little Coupon! How ma...

For the win

A man received a call from the local TV-station. He had signed up for a contest a few days ago and now he was informed that he had been chosen as a potential winner. The price was $10000. The task was simple: reach the TV-station within 15 minutes to win the price. Having just lost his job and with ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young mechanic...

A young mechanic was working on a car when the lift broke, and the car fell and severed his arm. Now severely depressed because he had one arm, loved to golf, and couldn't afford a prosthetic arm, decided "well, this is it. This is my end... I will kill myself because I can't play golf nor afford an...

An man with no arms walks into a bell tower...

...to apply for a job as the bell-ringer. He finds the proprietor and asks for a job. The proprietor says, "Well, sir, I don't think we'll be able to hire you. You have no arms with which to ring the bell." The man replies , "Sir, please. My father was a bell-ringer, my grandfather was a bell-ringer...

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everytime this dude goes to a bar, he orders three beers..

.. but he orders the three beers at once, and sits by himself in his chair, enjoying his loneliness, with the three bears before him. He'd drink one, then go the next one, and then the last one.

Since the dude did this day after day, the bartender couldn't help but notice, and decided to ask ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.