UPJOKE
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Carrying Out Jokes

An agricultural inspector goes to a farm to carry out field tests and inspections.

He calls out in the yard but no one comes so decides to carry on with his inspection. He arrives at the first gate and is about to open it when he hears a shout from the other side of the field.

“YOU CAN’T GO IN THERE!!!!”

He looks over and sees the farmer on an opposite gate so he s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to heaven after carrying out his task on earth, Where are my 72 virgins?

He asks, go into that room and they are all waiting for you, says the angel. He goes in, a few moments later he walks out again. I think there's been a mistake. he cries, the room is full of men, that's correct says the angel, and they're all virgins.

I love when people are super committed to carrying out a joke...

For instance, my parents told me I was a disappointment and kicked me out 4 years ago on April 1st. They haven’t spoken to me since.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A researcher carrying out a phone survey on marital sex...

phoned one of the participants to check on a discrepancy. He asked the husband: "In response to the question on frequency of intercourse, you answered 'once a week,' but your wife answered 'several times a night.'"

"That's correct," said the husband. "And that's the way it's going to be unti...

It was a pain to clean up after carrying out my fetish for the first time.

But its definitely a load off my chest.

Soviet era joke from my friend

A man walked into the Kremlin and told the receptionist: "I am a spy, I want to surrender to the Soviet government". The receptionist asked "Alright, what's your nationality?" "I'm American" the man replied. The receptionist checked his booklet and said "American spy, surrendering... Go to room 107....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away.

At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.


She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is ag...

It's January 2nd and the First Officer on a cruiser is looking at the Captain's Log from the previous day.

He sees "January 1st: First Officer Simpkins arrived on the bridge drunk today" and he says to the captain, "Sir, I feel this log entry is a little unfair. True, I did see the New Year in with an extra tot, but nothing out of the ordinary for the occasion, and I was well capable of carrying out my d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest is nervous about conducting his first church service...

...he gives it his best effort and does horribly. Feeling dejected he returns to his quarters where he finds an anonymous note, it reads: "Next Sunday, take some of the port and sip it whilst carrying out the service, it will calm your nerves."

The priest thinks this is great advice and sets ...

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