UPJOKE
filmfilmographycinematicfilmmakingfilmmakerfilmymicrofilmprojectionisttelefilmpelliclemoviecinematographcelluloidpixmetafilm

I donated $10 to Bernie's campaign

Don't worry ladies, I also donated $7.80 to Hilary.

Bernie said he's going to legalize marijuana on his first day in the Whitehouse

On his second day he'll legalize it everywhere else.

If I were American, I'd vote Bernie...

But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

If you feel the Bern you should vote for Bernie Sanders

That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs scream...

Bernie Sanders is a true socialist

He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

There are two famous "Bernies"

One of them is once again asking for your financial support, while the other one just Madoff with everyone's money.

Joe and Bernie remained friends in their old age.

One day, they were on a park bench and Joe says, "Man, when I was married, I would bang my wife every chance I got." Bernie says, "Yeah, me, too." Joe: "You never had a wife!" Bernie: "Oh, I thought we were talking about yours."

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...

...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel

Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.

He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.

Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate y...

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

Why did vatican invite Bernie not Hillary?

They couldn't afford it.

Frank Sinatra was dining out one night when a young high school lad came up to his table.

“Mr. Sinatra," said the teen-age boy, “my name is Bernie Rosenberg. Would you please do me a favor?”
“What kind of favor?” Sinatra asked.
Well, I’m here with my girl and I want to make a good impression on her. I certainly would appreciate it if you would drop by my table and say ‘Hi, Be...

Bernie Sanders: "If you are a student in debt...

...You are not a loan!"

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

Did you hear the one about Bernie Sanders?

Probably not, the /r/politics mods deleted it before anyone saw.

Bernie Madoff died today...

Heard his headstone is going to be a giant pyramid.

People say Bernie Sanders isn’t a Democrat...

But what’s more like a Democrat than winning the popular vote and losing an election?

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

How does Bernie Sanders stay so slim?

Inter-mitten fasting.

Bernie Sanders is like...

the guy in Among us who finds the imposter but no one listens to him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders to ban Oral sex if he becomes president....

"It's the only way I can get reddit to stop sucking my dick" - he said.

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I call my penis Bernie Sanders...

...because it leans far left and stands up for everyone.

Bernie, Joe and Donald are on a Zoom call.

Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.

Bernie: “I dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.”

Joe: “That’s funny. I had the exact same dream.”

Donald: “I don’t remember talking to either of y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

It's Only A Game?

At the golf course one Sunday, Bernie's about to putt, when a funeral procession turns the corner just off the course and begins to roll by. Bernie straightens up from his putter, takes his hat off, and holds it over his heart. He stands there silently like that, facing the procession, until it pass...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Waving a Nazi flag at a Bernie rally

Is like waving a diploma at a Trump rally.

Bernie Sanders doesn't use hand sanitizer

"It kills 99.9% of germs," he says, "just another case of too much privilege for the 0.1%!"

Why does Bernie need glasses?

He doesn’t have 2020.

Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS

He will now go by: Ernie Anders.

Why were people so upset with that financial planner, Bernie?

Because he made-off with all of their money!

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Mac

I’m at a bar minding my business, cooling out, just being cool like I am, chillin’. Woman come to me, this is actually the goddamn thing she wanted to do.

She said, “Mac.”
I said, “Yeah, that’s my name.”
She said, “can I ask you a question?”
I said, “yeah.”
She said, “Does p...

Bernie is walking down the street and runs into Sheldon, an old acquaintance

Bernie says, "Sheldon, I am so glad I ran into you. I know some circus people and I can get you an elephant for $100."

Sheldon: What am I going to do with an elephant?

Bernie: He can put thing up on high shelves, He can spray you with water, You know, elephant things.

Sheldon: ...

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and yells:

Free drinks for everyone!
Now who's buying?

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes.

I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Monica Lewinsky is going to vote for Bernie

The last time a Clinton was in office it left a bad taste in her mouth.

Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar.

And all of Reddit gave it an upvote.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally understand how people could compare Bernie Sanders to Hitler

Seeing how neither of them could finish a race.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.