UPJOKE
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Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives

I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees

The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

Male bees die after mating. So that's basically their life.

Honey. Nut. Cheerio.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...

"Swarm."

Fellas if you ever meet a woman who takes the time to take care of bees, marry her.

She's a keeper.

A man gets stung by a bee

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

**Doctor:** "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

**Man:** "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

**Doctor:** "No, you do...

Bees

Three men walk into a bar, sit down and order three beers. The first man has an iguana on his shoulder, the second man is holding a cat but not wearing any pants, and the third man is covered head-to-toe in bees.

The bartender sets a beer in front of the first man and asks, "What's the deal w...

What bees give you milk?

Boo-bees

My boyfriend started a bee farm to help save the bees

I think he's a keeper

My neighbor loves bees, but I never invite him to my parties.

I'm sorry, but he's a buzzkill.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three bees in a jar

You should go up to a person and start telling them this:

"There are three bees stuck in a jar. Two females and one male. The females want to get out of the jar, and the male knows how to get out of the jar. One of the females goes to the male and asks him, 'How do I get out of this thing?' T...

A man visits the bee shop

And says to the shopkeeper:
"I'd like 12 bees please"

The shopkeeper says:
"That's no problem. That'll be €10."

The two exchange the money for the bag of bees. The man checks the bag and says to the shopkeeper:
"Hey, there's 13 bees in this bag?"

The shopkeeper replies:...

Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What type of bees produce milk?

Boobees.

The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...

So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.

Why don't bees go to church?

... because they are in sects

Learning the birds and bees

A little girl goes to her mother and tells her she learned how babies are made. Her mother asks her what she learned.

"A boy puts his peepee in a girls mouth, and a baby is made."

"Oh, sweetie!" replies the mother, "That's not how babies are made. That's how jewelry is made."

What's a simple method for calculating the number of bees in a beehive?

Easy. Just count all their legs and divide by six.

A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...

The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was...

I went to the bee keepers to buy some bees. All the bees had price tags on them except one.

It was a freebie

What do you call a Bee that eats other Bees?

Hannibal Nectar

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire...

I was helping my apiarist friend smoke her bees…

… they’re not as good as tobacco, but I love the aftertaste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Male bees die after sex.

If they knew beforehand it would be a total buzzkill.

Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?

Swarm.

What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?

Hurry up honey.

The number of bumble bees has decreased.

They prefer to use tinder.

I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees

And he told me about my wife and the butcher!

If a man has 1,000 bees, then you should marry him right away.

Trust me, he's a keeper.

My new girlfriend loves bees.

She's a keeper.

What kind of bees live in America?

US Bees

Where do Bees use the bathroom?

At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do bees have sex?

They do it from BEEhind

A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.

The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That’s one too many.”

*"No worries. It’s a freebie."*

Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees

Chuck Norris will be 80 in a few hours so post your best Chuck Norris Jokes in the comments!

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks…

First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving ...

I went to a beestore to buy bees

The shopkeeper gave me 13 instead of the 12, I requested.

When I asked him what the last one was for.

He told me it was a *freebie*.

Did you know bees become indecisive after April?

They become maybees.

Bee on the Alert!!! 60,000 Giant bees were recently stolen from a farm in Pennslyvania.

Police have a huge sting operation on their hands.

Where do bees learn about pollination?

Plant Parenthood.

After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen

Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives

Bees and flowers

As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:

“So Johnny, you remember last time we went ...

What do you call a Coke bottle full of bees?

A redneck vibrator.

how do bees travel?

by a buzz

what did the bee say to the merchant?

nice doing beesness with you

What do you call a fat bee?

Chub-bee!

What do you call an even fatter bee?

O-bees!

How do bees let visitors into their apartment building?

They buzzzzz them in.

Did you know male bees literally die after they make love.

Yep, it's: Honey-Nut-Cherrio!

why are bees great at games

they are hard to bee-t

Spelling bees always confuse me.

My word was "knot"

I asked if it was "not" spelled with a "K"

My teacher said "Yes it's knot spelled with a k"

I ended up losing

what’s the difference between bees and bears?

ears

If bees reproduce by slave bees having intercourse with the queen bee...

... Then is it safe to say they're into BeeDSM?

A bee keeper walks into a pet store

He asked the person at the counter for 12 bees. After walking out the store, he notices that he's been given 13 bees by accident.

He walks back in and says “there has been an accident, and you’ve given me 13 bees.”

The Shopkeeper says "No mistake sir, that one is a freebie!"

Responsible Bee

What do you call the bee that has to take responsibility for the rest of the bees at the end of the night?



Designated drHiver

Where do bees stay while on vacation?

Air Bee and Bee

Why do bees hum?

Cos they don’t remember the lyrics.

I've always found spelling bees easy

B E E S. Simple.

If I was to date a girl that's really into bees

She's a keeper

I remember my uncle giving me my first talk about the birds & the bees.

He said - "Bees make honey & birds lay eggs.

What type of online articles do bees read?

BuzzFeed

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