UPJOKE

After Christmas Jokes

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A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen..

listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the ...

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Two brothers have dinner shortly after Christmas. NSFW

One is incredibly wealthy and the other can barely afford rent. Over dinner, they share stories about their Christmas and what they gifted their respective wives.

The rich brother relays how he bought his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz for Christmas.

'Oh wow, why did you get h...

Hoping to get a 4k tv after Christmas.

Making my new years resolution 3840 x 2160.

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A class of children return to school after Christmas.

The teacher asks each child in turn to tell her what gifts they received. Little Paul replies "I got a choo-choo" "Now Paul," replies the teacher, " you're in the big school now, we call it a train not a choo-choo"

She turns to Tommy. "what did you get?" "A nee-naw", replies Tommy. "Now Tommy...

Three men are talking at work the day after Christmas

It wasn't long before one of them starts bragging. "I bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 6 seconds!"

"What is it?" The others ask.

"A brand new Mercedes!"


"Ha, but I've bought my wife something that goes from 0 to 100 in only 3 seconds!" Said one of t...

Why was Santa sick on the day after Christmas?

A couple of the chimneys he went down had the flue

Why was Snoop Dogg so exhausted after Christmas?

Because of all the ho ho hos.

Why does everyone start to fight the day after Christmas?

Because it's Boxing Day!

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A man walks into a bar the day after Christmas...

He walks up to the bar, sits down and doesn't say a word.

The bartender walks over and asks, "what are you having?"

The man shakes his head. Let's out a deep breathe and says, "I'm pissed off."

Bartender, putting his hands down on the bar, "Why are you angry, it's the day after ...

What do rehab and the days after Christmas have in common?

Cold turkey

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Today I realized that my wife apparently has the same approach to egg nog as to sex…

No “egg nog” before Thanksgiving (marriage), lots of “egg nog” for about a month and a half, and no “egg nog” after Christmas!

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A rich man and a poor man are hanging out the day after christmas...

The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas. The rich man replies "I got her a diamond necklace and and lamborghini." The poor man asks, "why did you get her a diamond necklace and a lamborghini?" The richan replies, "so if she doesn't like the necklace, she can drive her new l...

Its still christmas time

I really appreciate how some people still give gifts to poor guys on the street, even after christmas.

For example yesterday I saw someone giving his credit card and 5k$ to a guy who only had a knife...

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Post office workers are going through the mail and find a letter addressed simply To Santa

Since they've nowhere to send it to, they open the letter and find the most tragic childish scribbling:

"Dear Santa,
My name is Timmy and I live in an orphanage. I have no mom or dad. We have barely any heating and it gets very cold. I know you are very busy, but could you please send me a...

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Christmas gifts...

It was the first day after Christmas vacation in a 3rd grade class. The teacher told the class that each student could tell the class one thing they got for Christmas.

So, the teacher calls on a girl to come up to the front of the class and tell everyone onething she got. "My daddy got me a B...

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