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Slob Jokes

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My wife is such a slob...

Every time I go to the sink to take a piss, it's full of dishes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On a flight back from Russia, a flight attendant sees a suspicious looking couple on board, so she reports it to the captain immediately…

“Sir, I think we have a case of human trafficking! There is a very pretty and quiet female passenger on board, who looks quite frightened and the man she is with is a fat, sweaty, old slob who looks like a sexual deviant!”

The captain responds, “You must be new here. This is Air Force One.”

What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a slob on a unicycle?

A wheel and attire.

Authenticity for lonely people

So I broke down and called a hooker who advertised "real girlfriend experience". She came in without knocking, told me I was a slob, nagged me to take out the garbage, said I was a loser with no future and criticized me for playing video games for hours. Accused me of cheating on her, ate all my foo...

“Get me a beer before it starts.”

A man comes home after a terrible round of golf, his worst ever. He plops down on the couch in front of the television and tells his wife, “Get me a beer before it starts.”

The wife sighs and gets him a beer.

Fifteen minutes later, he says, “Get me another beer before it starts.” She l...

My childhood memories of Christmas are dominated by the time I sneaked downstairs one Christmas Eve and heard my mother telling Father Christmas that he was a fat, lazy, good for nothing drunken slob...

I saw mommy dissing Santa Claus...

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Not new, but what the hell.

A man steps into a bar on his way home from work, and before you know it, 3 hours has passed and he’s trashed. So much so that he throws up on his own shirt.

“Oh man! M’wife’s gonna kill me!”, he says.

“Hang on.”, says the bartender. “Give me $5, buddy.”

The drunk guy hands h...

The apostles are at the last supper...

Jesus is eating like a slob and spilling wine everywhere and Judas says to him "Were you born in a barn?"

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A man comes home visibly irritated.

His wife notices and asks if something is wrong.

He shakes his head.

"C'mon. Talk to me" she says.

He takes a moment to steady himself. "It's just that..." he pauses again, and takes a deep breathe. "Well, first of all, last night when you were telling me about your day?"
...

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar after a long day at the office. On his way in, he sees a man sitting there wearing extravagant clothes, with the body of Arnold Schwarzenegger in his prime. As he approaches the bar he notices the man has an extremely small head, which is made worse due to the disproportiona...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man suspects that his wife is cheating on him.

One day, he arrives home early from work, hoping to catch her in the act. He makes his way up to their 20th story apartment, and throws the door open with such force that the whole apartment shakes, and hears a gasp from his wife.

"Ah-ha!" He says, as he bolts into their bedroom, only to fin...

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