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Shingle Jokes

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Shingles

Kevin walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Kevin said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Kevin what he had. Kevin said, "Shingles."...

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

It depends on how thinly you slice them.

A young lawyer who recently hung out his shingle, was retained by a criminal with $5 and a very poor defense

"Well, you got a case, son," said his proud father.

"Yes, dad."

"And what advice did you give your client?"

"After listening to his story I collected what money he had and advised him to retain a more experienced lawyer."



Source: 1913 newspaper

What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common?

...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican.

Who do dogs call to fix the shingles on their dog house?

Woofers

What do wives and shingles have in common?

if you don't nail them right, they'll end up at your neighbor's.

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What's the most annoying thing about carpenter porn?

The ads about hot shingles in your area.

I can't afford to fix my leaky roof. So I'm inviting some kids with chicken pox over.

Hopefully my house will get Shingles.

Bill Cosby just moved in next door

He’s been on top of the house replacing broken shingles, and fixing leaks. Turns out he’s a very experienced roofer

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

If 2020 was a math word problem:

**If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?**

Fitting joke for Hurricane Harvey

This is a Joke my Dad (who is Catholic) once told me when I was young. With Hurricane Harvey currently outside my window, I was reminded of it. Maybe it will give some humor to those currently in worse off areas than I.


A woman lives on the Texas coastline. Her town orders her to evacua...

Why didn't the Scottish roofer click on the naughty webpage ad?

He'd had enough hot shingles in his area already.

How does a man put on a roof by himself?

Shingle-handedly

I know it’s frustrating waiting for your COVID shot...

But just think of all the roofers who haven’t got the Shingles vaccine.

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How many black people does it take to shingle a roof??

One....but you gotta slice him reeeeeaaaalllllll thinnnnnnnnnnnnn.....

Little known fact #38: One of the first online "hook-up" apps started out using Sean Connery to do their voice overs. They soon noticed they were only getting hits from roofers.

Apparently they were interested in the dozens of hot shingles in their area.

What rash is commonly found on houses?

Shingles.

What did the roof say to the other roof?

Are you shingle?

Why didn't Sean Connery get his roof fixed?

He said he "couldn't find a shingle person to do it."

I used to be a roofer....

back when I was shingle.

I got a pop up ad for a locally owned Sean Connery roofing supply company

It said, “shingles in your area”.

Did you hear the one about the roofer with a perfect safety record?

He never had a shingle accident.

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Google really does spy on us

This is why I don't trust smartphones. My friend and I were talking about repairing his roof over the next week, because the recent storm took off a few portions. The next day I saw advertisements all over Facebook telling me there are hot shingles in my area looking to get nailed.

The roof job

Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over.

Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time.

It was nearing 5 PM and ...

"Grandpa caught a virus yesterday while browsing the web at the nursing home.."

".. apparently there were hot shingles in his area."

Somebody must have roofied my drink last night.

I woke up at 4:00 this morning with an irresistible urge to go hammer some shingles.

What do you use to build a roof out of cheese?

Kraft Shingles

What do you call a bunch of lonely rashes?

A SHINGLES MEET UP!
Haha !

If you're looking for a relationship, become a roofer.

You're bound to find hot shingles in your area

Why can't a Roof get Chickenpox?

It already has the shingles.

Elon's opening speech for the Tesla Solar Roof really got my attention...

Who knew there were thousands of hot shingles in my area?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The most functional word in English language is...

The most functional word in the English language is... Shit. That's right, shit! Consider this:

You can be shit faced, shit out of luck, or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit together, find a place for your shit or, decide to shit or get off the pot.
...

Pierre the French Canadian got a job roofing

He was taking 100 lb bundles of shingles up the ladder to the roof. On his way up, the roofer slipped and pushed a bundle down on him. It clipped the side of his head, slicing off his ear. Everyone on the job site helped him look for his ear on the ground. One guy finally hollered “found it”. Pierre...

Last month I unknowingly purchased stolen roofing supplies. I wrote a Craigslist post to alert others...

HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

Only 2010's kids will get this.

Polio and shingles.

A man returns from an exotic holiday and is feeling very ill.

He goes to see his doctor, and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo some tests.


The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor. We have the results back from your tests and we have found you have an extr...

TIL: Roofing in the Summer heat can be dangerous

WARNING: HOT SHINGLES IN YOUR AREA

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