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Riot Jokes

An Apple Store in Minneapolis reported losing $200,000 in inventory to riot-related theft.

'Thankfully the looters took nothing but two iPhones' the store's associate manager said.

Why do riot police like to get to work early?

To beat the crowd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many black people does it take to start a riot?

-1

Americans always have something to complain about, then suddenly they'll move on. Remember when people were up in arms about cupcakes, bathrooms, statues, police, riots, clean water? So when you think this "Wall" thing will last forever, just remember...

People will eventually get over it.

I can’t believe it’s riot season already

I still have my Covid decorations up

JOB OPPORTUNITY: Riot police officers needed. Interviews are being held tomorrow. Come early....

....beat the crowd.

Why Aren't There Riots When White People Get Killed?

Because white people have work in the morning.

A Chinese journalist is interviewing a riot officer about the protests occurring in his city.

Journalist: Do you find it difficult to follow orders that may harm the people protesting?

Riot Officer: I do, some of these people are my friends and neighbors. When given such a choice, the only thing I can really do is listen to my heart.

Journalist: And what does your heart say?...

What do you call a hooker in a riot?

A protestitute.

Have you heard of the amputee protest that turned into a riot?

It was out of hand.

Have you heard about the rioting in Baltimore?

So far they've caused 4 million dollars in improvements.

Did you hear the French rioted in the streets after losing the World Cup?

When is society going to come to terms with the fact that these anti-FIFA activists are bad for civil society?

I hear they are calling the riots yesterday 'The Capitol Blizzard'

Makes Sense....
They caused lots of destruction,
Was full of snowflakes,
And a whole lot of White.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Jews throw when they riot?

Mozeltov Cocktails

Did you hear the latest joke about Baltimore?

It's a riot

If there is a violent riot tonight in Philadelphia

Then we won't really know if it is in protest or celebration

So we hated congress a few days ago for not giving us $2000 but today we love then after the riot yesterday...

...so abusive relationships do work

Why were there so few capitol police during Jan 6th riots?

Well you can’t make them work when they already booked the day off to attend the protest!

White House phone records on the day of the Capitol Riots show a seven-hour gap in the President's calls

Aides say he was merely taking a Covfefe break.

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office...

Joe the dyslexic cop gets pulled into the captain's office, where he is read the riot act. The captain says, "You're a good cop, but these reports just aren't going to cut it anymore, Joe! They're practically illegible! The next report, if there's even one word misspelled on it, you are going on sus...

Why are people so scared of the riots?

The flu kills way more people every year

What was left in CVS after the Detroit riots?

Condoms and father day cards.

What's a riot?

Three dyslexics

a man buys a parrot

A man buys a parrot. The bird is beautiful, but swears in the most foul manner all day long.

The man tries everything to silence the parrot: he covers the cage, he turns on loud music, he threatens to hit the parrot... but it's all of no use.

After a few days of incessant ranting, he b...

Today, I arrived at a local Black Friday sale at 7 AM and saw the riot police

I had never seen the riot police arrive this early before, so o asked them why they came so early.

One of them replied, “We arrived early, because we like to beat the crowd.”

Why are they rioting in Ferguson?

Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done.

The capital police chief asked, "Do you have any leads or suspects for the congressional riot?" The officer responded, "I'd like to question the senator wearing high heels and a spandex leopard print dress." The chief frowned and said...

"Please, just wear your police uniform."

The FBI recently found a common link amoung those that stormed the capital on the January 6th riots.

Turns out they all shop at Traitor Joes.

I know how to stop all these riots.

Play the national anthem, they'll all sit down.

I had a joke about the Baltimore Riots

But someones already stolen it :(

What do they call the riot police in Germany?

The kraut control

After all the rioting and destruction Microsoft stock ($MSFT) will take off on Monday

Everyone will be looking for windows.

I cannot understand why they don’t call the riots in Hong Kong

Tiananmen²

Riot's Responce to Sandbox Mode

Edit: Response

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do rioting jewish people throw?

Mazel tov cocktails

The panda bears rioted in the streets of Beijing today . . .

It was pandamonium!!!

Could anyone be so dumb as to brag about the capitol riots online, for all the world to see?

Jenny Cudd.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did You guys hear what the Jews did when they rioted?

They threw Mazel Tov Cocktails

How do you stop a crowd of black men from rioting, breaking windows and looting?

Play the American national anthem.

What to blm protestors and cod players have In common?

They both hate people who use riot shields

Did you hear about the time that all the musicians in the parade dropped their instruments and started rioting?

It was total bandemonium

I can't believe all of this violence and rioting is happening...

... all because Craig Ferguson is leaving his show.

A gang made up of domesticated wheat, barley and hops plants are reported to have been looting and rioting all over the country

Police say they are farmed and dangerous.

I've heard that after last night's riots in the city centre, 8 of my mum's sisters are going to be standing by some damaged buildings all night holding candles.

You can't beat vigil aunties....

They're only called patriots if they come from the Pat region in France

otherwise, they are just sparkling riots

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a series of city-wide riots, the mayor of Los Angeles imposed the harshest curfew ever: anyone outdoors after 10 pm will be shot on sight!

On the very first night of the curfew, a cop shot a black kid dead at 9:45. The police chief dragged the cop in for questioning.

"What the hell you doing shooting a guy before the curfew even started!?"

"Sir, I know where that guy lives. He never would have made it home in time!"

How many idiots does it take to arrest a protestor?

Apparently more than the entire Russian Riot Police combined, because they got the bicycle but the rider still got away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2...

Benny the Viking

Benny was your typical Viking. Strong, tall and courageous, he was the ideal viking in every way, except for one.

See, Benny couldn’t grow a beard. For all his 30 winters on Earth, he still had just as smooth a face as the day he was born.

This bothered Benny, because when he was out p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young painter once had an old ladder

The ladder was one he’d found in a dumpster a few years before and, since he was poor and needed a ladder, he snatched it up and considered himself lucky. Over time, as he used the ladder on large murals, it would invariably be off-kilter, would not sit flush to the wall, or a rung would slip and ro...

Did you hear the one about Trump and the protesters?

It’s a real riot.

My friend told me a fantastic joke about 2020

It's a riot actually

Did you hear about the heavy metal band that started a huge protest but without shouting or talking? They ended up destroying a bunch of property, though...

It was a quiet riot

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