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Monopoly Jokes

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly?

It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

Monopoly is fun but it has some really old stuff that isn’t valid anymore.

There’s free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

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Having anorgasmia feels like playing Monopoly

You never finish.

What do you call forty geeks playing Monopoly?

Microsoft.

There should be a millennial edition of Monopoly

[Removed]

Wanna play Trump’s new Monopoly game?

Every place you land says *Go Directly to Jail*.

My parents divorced over monopoly

My father was mono and my mother was poly.

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Playing monopoly Is like seeing a prostitute

You go to a hotel, lose your money, and get fucked.

Not a lot of people know that Robin William’s daughter Zelda was actually named after the Nintendo game.

They just liked the name from the game so much. Perhaps not quite as happy is Zelda's sister, Monopoly.

The Monopoly Man goes into a bar...

"sorry" the bartender says, "your money is no good here".

My wife caught me cheating at Monopoly...

She dropped the dice and found me fingering her sister.

Remember in Monopoly, when some insufferable kids couldn't agree who was banker, they'd refuse to play completely?

Welcome to the shutdown...

I just found a monopoly set without instructions.

What are the chances?

I was asked to help design the first Monopoly board...

I thought, I'll give it a Go.

What's the difference between Monopoly money and the Venezuelan dollar?

People can find enjoyment with Monopoly money

I wondered why I was banned from dating sites for paying with Monopoly money.

But apparently that's not legal Tinder.

My girlfriend uses the same strategy in monopoly as she does in our relationship

She just keeps cheating

Monopoly

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I was investing in Monopoly games

Until I realized that there is no real money in them

So Hasbro made a Fortnite Monopoly...

But ironically it's for ages 13+.

If I had a dollar for everytime some one complained about monopoly addiction

I could put a hotel on all my properties.

I hate monopoly! My dad always beats me!

Its probably because I always win.

Why did ABBA play monopoly empire?

So that they could take a Chance on ME.

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My son didn't cope well with going to jail...

He refused to eat or drink anything.

He swore at everyone and covered his room with his own poop.

After that, we never played Monopoly again.

If all diplomatic issues could be solved with a board game like monopoly, we wouldn't see the current levels violence in the world.

No, they'd be *way* higher.

I’ve been playing Bonopoly this evening.

It’s like Monopoly, but the streets have no name.

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Sam got thrown out a Strip club for using monopoly money.

Sam's logic - Why I should pay real money to see fake boobs.

Why did the synagogue ban Monopoly?

Because the fights over who got to be the banker were getting bloody

I went to an Old McDonald's the other day, and they aren't promoting Monopoly anymore.

Now it's B.I.N.G.O.

Why is the Magnet Business so inviting and easy to start up?

There is no Monopoly.

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Just a little update on the situation with my son because some of you have been fairly concerned.

He has taken going to jail pretty hard. He is refusing all food, spitting and screaming at everyone and is threatening violence at anyone who comes near him. He has smeared the walls with his shit and is refusing to wear any clothes.

As a family we are united in our decision not to play Mo...

I've decided to make a Sharia version of Monopoly.

It's the same basic board, except if you're a woman you're not allowed to own property.

And if any of the other players accuse you of cheating, you're out of the game, no questions asked.

What does Monopoly and this sub have in common?

Both keep reusing the same ideas and people still buy it.

I can't find a nice girl who wants to play Double Entendre Monopoly with me.

They all leave after collecting $200.

I played monopoly once and landed on every spot on the board except for one...

I never stood a chance.

I played Monopoly with my family, and I won easily, but it wasn't that fun

I like being mentally challenged

I was playing Monopoly with a couple of friends and picked the hat piece, winked, and said...

M'nopoly.

I beat my wife and she immediately divorced me.

Some people take Monopoly way too seriously.

When I was a kid my older brother dared me to take a bite of a Monopoly board.

It was a little gamey.

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his faeces on the wall.

I don't think we will play Monopoly with him again.

Why is everyone surprised at Hasbro’s recent behaviour?

They’ve been creating Monopolys for 32 years now.

Scrabble, monopoly and cluedo were sitting around the bedroom feeling sorry for themselves

They hadn’t been played with in a long time and were feeling particularly frustrated and listless. They wanted something to do but just didn’t know what to do and so sat there with a mood on, not feeling happy at all.

Human 1 and human 2 came into the room and human 1 picked up monopoly and ...

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Sent to Jail.

After getting sent to jail, I spent the next hour being held face down over a table and getting violently fucked up the arse.

Sometimes I think my uncle Brian takes Monopoly a bit too seriously...

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I’ve only been in prison for half an hour and have been fucked up the arse three times…

…my uncle doesn’t mess about playing monopoly

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Wife caught me cheating.

My wife ran out the room last night, she turned and screamed at me, 'And you know what? You've gone too far this time.....we're finished!! You're bankrupt and the way you wander round the streets so aimlessly, it's a suprise you don't one day end up in prison!'' But babe...' I said, taking a step ...

Wife came home early from work

So the other day my wife unexpectedly came home early from work and asked me if I wanted to play Monopoly with her. I agreed but while we were playing, I caught her cheating. I called her out on it and she just shrugged and said, "if you're not cheating, you're not trying!" That's when her sister bu...

I went shopping yesterday

I went into a candy shop and tried to buy a kinder chocolate bar but no bueno..... so I went to a game shop and tried to buy a full monopoly set but no dice

My husband is a cheater, he beats me, and whenever I touch his property, he says, "I'm going to make you pay."

I don't want to play monopoly with him anymore.

What is Mark Zuckerberg's favorite VR game?

Monopoly

The artist named “Feat” has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breakin...

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My wife always cheats when we play board games

Just last night, we were all playing Monopoly in the den and she was next-door fucking the neighbor.

I have no title

If you ever feel useless, just think about the mortgage feature on Monopoly deeds.

When playing a game against a less skilled player, it’s considered fair to give them a handicap.

That’s why I always break my opponent’s kneecaps before a game of Monopoly

My wife keeps cheating

At monopoly, her boyfriend is pretty good though

A guy walks into a Bar

And asks for a beer.


The bartender: 'do you want a normal beer or a no-alcohol?'


'It depends. Do you want normal money or Monopoly's?'

My brother took being sent to prison really badly.

He was yelling and screaming, took off his clothes, and would not accept any food from anyone.

That was the last time we played monopoly.

My neighbours have been married 20 years

Unfortunately, I've heard them have the same argument a lot lately


Him: You're cheating! Don't deny it, I can see through your behaviour!


Her: Well you beat me all the time, and I've had enough!


Maybe they should play something other than Monopoly...

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Bobby loved board games.

His collection of board games was massive, he had games from the 40's, 50's, 60's up to today. But one day, the neighborhood bully came over and saw Bobby playing and took all of Bobby's player pieces and broke them, all the Monopoly tokens, all the Battleship ships, all the markers for Sorry!, etc....

What is the equivalent of being a model at Instagram?

Being a millionaire in Monopoly.

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I cheated on my girlfriend once.

I cheated on my girlfriend once, we were playing monopoly and I took money from the bank when she wasn't looking.



Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister.

My wife was in jail, so I decided to go for the conjugal visit, which caused her parents to start freaking out...

Best game of Monopoly ever!

My husband cheated

I caught my husband cheating. I'm not going to lie, I didn't handle it in the most mature way possible. I threw an iron at him and took quite a bit of money from him.

Then later we had a heart to heart and decided never to play Monopoly again. Lesson learned.

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NSFW. My cousin took jail really hard.

The moment he got in he started swearing and fighting with everyone and even smeared his own shit all over the walls.

That's the last time we ever played monopoly with him.

My wife caught me cheating With her cousin. She totally overreacted and left the house.

She saw the extra Monopoly money I was passing her under the table.

A man stopped his car opposite a hotel and immediately knew he was bankrupt.

He was playing Monopoly

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I've only been in jail 5 minutes, and I've already been anally penetrated twice.

I fucking hate playing monopoly with my dad.

When it comes to board games about buying real estate...

Hasbro really has the Monopoly.

I'll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail.

It didn't take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing feces on the walls...

I'll never play Monopoly with him again.

Every day, there's a kid coming to my store looking for trouble...

And every day, I tell him we're sold out.

Can't he buy Monopoly instead?

Monogamy is having one spouse. Polygamy is having more than one spouse.

Monopolygamy is marrying the Monopoly Guy.

Never in my life have I seen so much corruption, bribery, bIackmail, jealousy, theft, fraud, deception, and outright bloodshed.

And honestly I'm wondering why I even play Monopoly with my family in the first place.

My wife caught me cheating last night and i feel so ashamed and full of regret.

She's never going to play monopoly with me again!

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An American and an Irishman order a beer at a bar.

The Irishman pulls out his money to pay and the American notices that the bills are all different colours.
"Who the fuck makes your money, Monopoly?" he asks sarcastically.
The Irishman looks over and responds "Who the fuck makes your beer, Kool Aid?"

A group of Nuns opened a Flower Shop.

The Nuns started selling small bouquets, and after some success moved on to larger arrangements. Their business grew enough that they were eventually the only place in a ten kilometer radius to sell flowers; and gathered a monopoly on the market.
One day, a couple of Friars opened another green...

I caught my wife cheating with the neighbor last night

They are both banned from being the banker during monopoly game night now.



That will teach them to sleep together.

Two guys are drinking in a bar and one says, "Man, I've really had it with my brother in law."

The 2nd guy asks what happened, and the 1st guy tells him, "He had to go to jail last night and he went nuts. He fought, kicked, screamed, and flung a handful of feces on the wall." The 2nd guy says, "Man he really sounds like a piece of work." The 1st guy says, "Yeah, that's the last time we invit...

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