Julius Caesar Jokes

name... a salad.... after me...ahhh

But there were only 23 stab wounds

Both of them were witnessed getting impaled in the Italian senate...

But that's how Julius Caesar.

the rest is history

Brutus: “Which is our boarding gate Caesar?”
Caesar: “A-2 Brutus”

Brutus: “And what time is the flight Caesar?”
Caesar: “8:02 Brutus”

Brutus: “By the way, I have sandwiches. Do you want one Caesar?”
Caesar: “Ate two Brutus”

Brutus: “This is an unusual paper size for a t... read more

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and says "martinus please" bartender says "you mean martini?", "if I wanted double I would have said so" replies Caesar

Near the end of his reign, he became a holy man.

He was witnessing….The Fall of the Roman Empire.

He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers, please!"

Hearing Harder daddy! Was not one of them

He came, he saw, he conquered.

Friends, Romans
and Countrymen, lend me your ears. Tomorrow I take our glorious army to conquer Northern Europe and I shall start with France. We shall kill many Gauls and return victorious."

The crowd are up on their feet "Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees, hail mighty
Caesar"

Brutus turn... read more

Brutus: “Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe’s.”

Caesar was famously killed on the Ides of March, but he wasn't expecting the attack until August 2. His final words embodied his dismay over the scheduling confusion:

"8/2, Brute..."

Brutus looks at Caesar and says "Caesar, we should watch the movie sequel with the scary clown in it!"

Caesar ponders what Brutus is saying for a moment. "It Two, Brute?"

He didn’t speak English.

Casca: How could you not order enough pizza for everyone?

Julius: But there was enough for everybody to have a slice...

Brutus: I ate 2 slices.

Julius: ATE TWO, BRUTE?

He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.

Julius Caesar is looking for a lady. A friend of his suggests a woman he knows. He meets the woman, and they go to his house. The next day, Caesar bumps into his friend again. The friend asks "how did it go"? Caesar replies, "I saw, I conquered, I came."

"Veni, vidi, vici."

Because Julius Caesar.

You’ve got a lot of Gaul!

"You've got a lot of Gaul"

-Julius Caesar

*'Commentarii de Bello Gallico'*


**And what's the deal with this so-called 'good' emperor, anyway?**

*Nerva, that guy*

The year was 2020.

By some miracle, Julius Caesar woke up in his grave.

Yes, the same dude from Ancient Rome who got whacked by Brutus and his buddies.

The stab wounds on his back had healed and he was alive again.

He dug himself out of his grave and looked at himself in... read more

Their city state was already hundreds of years old, and their Republic was barrelling down the pathway to Empire: but they still hadn't decided fully how to count things.

The Senate was a blaze of fury as populares and optimates rowed over the proper way to measure and record all things numer... read more

Success! You’re cured says the psychiatrist!!!

Why the depressed face?

The guy responds...

3 months ago I was Julius Caesar, Today I’m a nobody...

But that was when his friend said: "Hey! Don't get a head of yourself!"

As she sprints blissfully across a road, a massive truck ploughs into her.

The next thing she's aware of is she's standing in a shiny, beautiful place and inately realises, this must be Heaven.

Sure enough, an angel approaches her and tells her, yes she's now in Heaven and gives her a ... read more

...There lived 3 very important politicians. Brutus was a schemer, and a very ambitious man. No one trusted him, but everyone worked with him. Julius Caesar was unpopular with the politicians of Rome, but the people loved him. Julius was a consul of Rome. Marc Antony was the third politician in ques... read more