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Grand Piano Jokes

If baby grand pianos just smaller versions of grand pianos, shouldn't they just be called...

pianos?

A foolish man gives his wife a grand piano...

... A wise man gives his wife an upright organ.

A friend just got a brand new grand piano

I complimented him on it by saying it plays like a baby. He asked what did I mean by that? I said it's smooth, beautiful, and it makes an unbelievable racket if you kick it down a flight of stairs.

What's more beautiful than a delicate rose placed gracefully upon an elegant grand piano?

Somebody putting tulips on your organ.

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Guy walks into a bar...

...and orders a drink. He's carrying a brown paper bag, which he sets down on the bar.

The bartender asks "What's in the bag?" The guy says "Wanna see?" He reaches into the bag and pulls out a very tiny grand piano and sets it on the bar. Then he reaches back into the bag and pulls out a tiny...

The Piano Player

Once, there lived a man, who was very good at playing the piano, and he became very rich from all of the concerts he played at. Eventually, he saved enough money to buy himself a large mansion. He was very excited at this. He packed up all of his belongings, including his enormous grand piano, and p...

A man walks into a bar to drink his sorrows away

Upon getting seated he is met by the bartender who shows him a magical 12 inch box, seating inside is a magical man playing the most soul touching piece on a mini grand piano.

Curious he asks the bartender, "wow where did you get this? What even is this?" The bartender told him there's a gen...

A man walks into a bar

So a guy walks into a bar one day and he can’t believe his eyes. There, in the corner, there’s this one-foot-tall man, in a little tuxedo, playing a tiny grand piano.
So the guy asks the bartender, “Where’d he come from?”
And the bartender’s, like, “There’s a genie in the men’s room who grants...

So a guy walks into bar and reaches into his pocket...

From his pocket, he produces a very small grand piano. A moment later, he produces a 1ft tall man from his other pocket and places him down next to the piano. The little man immediately sits down and begins to play the piano, and remarkably well at that. The bar patrons are amazed and one of them ap...

I can live without my organs

It's hard, but luckily I still have my grand piano and synthesizer.

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A man walks into a bar holding a paper bag...

...and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender eyes the bag curiously as he finishes up filling the man’s cup. As he comes back to the table, his curiosity gets the better of him and he asks the man, “what’s in the bag?”

Wordlessly, the man pulls out a small grand piano, a small piano ...

A Sergeant-Major asks his platoon whether any of them are interested in music

When four hands go up, the Sergeant-Major says "Right, lads! You can carry this grand piano up to the officers' mess."

A melancholy-looking man walked into a bar wearing a backpack...

He sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. Meanwhile, he took a tiny man and a tiny grand piano out of his backpack. He set the man and the piano on the bar top, and the tiny man began to play.

“That’s incredible!” The bartender said, holding the man’s drink. “Where did you g...

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khaled’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khaled enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, sa...

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A man walks into a bar and starts talking to the guys there.

He and the guys have a great conversation, and they are all very interested in what everyone has to say. Eventually one of the guys asks, "Do any of you guys have any cool tricks to show us?"

The man who just walked in says, "Actually, yes I do have a trick!" He pulls a very small man out of ...

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Opporknockity, and a short collection of other terrible music jokes

Mr. Opporknockity is a superb piano tuner. He has spent more than 30 years honing his craft and has made quite a reputation for himself.

He got a call from a guy who had just bought a new grand piano and requested Mr. Opporknockity to come and tune it. Mr. Opporknockity spent more than 3 hour...

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The perverted pianist

A classy bar is holding auditions for musical numbers, when a somewhat disheveled man comes in and starts playing a beautiful number on the grand piano. The manager adores his performance, "Is that an original number? What is the name of that lovely piece?"


"Yeah, I wrote it," the man rep...

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The Hamster and the Frog

A shabby-looking man walks into an upscale bar full of businessmen and orders a Scotch. The bartender looks him over and says, "Sir, I don't believe you can afford the drinks at this establishment. May I ask that you go somewhere else?"
The man shrugs his shoulders and says, "You're right. I do...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

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A guy walks into a bar

With a suitcase in each hand and orders a drink, carefully placing his suitcases on the bar. The barman notices that these suitcases have holes in the top so gets a little curious.
"What's in the suitcases" he asks the guy.
The guy sips his drink and looks slyly at the barman.
"Would you...

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A man walks into a bar...

And says to the bartender "Hey buddy, if I show you something truly **amazing**, will ya give me a free drink?"

The bartender looks around, and seeing how its an insanely slow day, and he's bored out of his wits cleaning glasses all day, says "Sure, why the hell not? But it has to be **amazin...

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My Favorite Joke

I have no idea who originally wrote it and since I am rarely on this sub I have no idea if it has already been posted.

Guy walks into a bar, sets a big bag down on the floor and orders a drink. No one else is there so the bartender asks the guy what's in the bag. The guy shrugs, reaches int...

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A talented but unemployed jazz pianist.

A talented but unemployed jazz pianist/composer was walking down Second Avenue in New York contemplating his sad life when he sees a sign in a restaurant window that says "Jazz pianist wanted, full time position." Elated at his good fortune he goes inside to apply for the job.

He meets the ma...

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A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a half empty bar and says to the bartender “If I show you something amazing will you give me a free drink?”

“You know bud,” the world-weary bartender says, “I’ve been in this business for a long, long time and it will take something pretty freaking special to impress me but ...

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A family walks in to a talent agency

The father goes to the agent, "Sir, you really have to see our act. It's incredible!"

The agent says "No, I don't do family acts..."

The father excitedly interrupts, "I know what you are going to say they are too cutesy, right? Well our show is nothing like that!"

"No I don't do...

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Anything can happen at a ska show

A few weeks ago, my band was opening for a slightly more famous band at a moderately large local venue. This was one of the biggest gigs we'd had yet, and so I was seriously stressing about it beforehand, even though our sax player kept telling me not to. "Relax, you've been playing keyboards all yo...

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