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Gloves Jokes

I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts'...

Which, on the one hand is great, but on the other it's just not right

They said that a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket.

They lied, everyone else has clothes on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work...

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, ...

How do one-handed people put on gloves?

They don't, they put on glove.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gift for sweetheart

A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart for her
birthday. As they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration
he decided a pair of gloves would strike just the right note: romantic, but
not too personal.

Accompanied by the sweetheart's sister, he w...

Why did the burglar wear Blue gloves?

He didn't want to get caught Red handed!

The gloves come off at home.

It's one of the benefits of being married to a proctologist.

My gloves were stolen yesterday..

They fell into the wrong hands

WARNING!! They said you only have to wear masks and gloves to go grocery shopping but they LIED!

Apparently you have to wear clothes too.

My friend had some really nice work gloves on the other day.

I ask him “what kind of gloves are those?”

He says “cow hide”

I said “What’s so scary about cows?

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas?

GLOVES! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Glove and Panties

A young man wished to purchase a present for his sweetheart and after careful consideration, he decided on a pair of gloves. Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister, he went to a department store and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself. During the wrappin...

An amputee is taking part in a discussion on the effectiveness of gloves

On one hand, they are good for cold weather.

On the other, they don't really help.

Why didn’t Bob own any gloves?

Because he didn’t have any hands.

Knock knock

Who’s there?

Not Bob.

With everyone wearing masks and gloves

It’s the perfect time for serial killers to roaming out in the open

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.

It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.

I bought some gloves today

They’re really warm and snuggly, but unfortunately they’re both left. So, on one hand, that’s awesome, but then again on the other hand, it’s really not right

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman goes to the Doctors and says "I'm getting too much discharge"

Doctor says "Pop your knickers off and slip onto the bed".

He puts on his latex gloves and applies 3 fingers into her vagina.

"How does that feel?" he asks. "Fucking lovely" she replies

"But the discharge is in my ear!!!!

Where do theatrical cats wear their gloves?

On their...




Dramatic Paws

Why did the bear use gloves when eating honey?

He didn't want to touch it with his bear hands.

Your dad does the vacuuming in boxing gloves

Calls himself Dyson Fury

A boxer used to do coke on his bocing gloves after winning.

That was the punch line.

How I accidentally crushed a vegan customer's soul at Subway ;-;

So I work at Subway, yesterday I had a chick come in, she told me she wanted a Veggie Delight. As I went to get the bread she asked me if I could change my gloves cause she was vegan and I had been handling meat. I did that, no problem, perfectly reasonable request. I get her bread, toast it and put...

What did the baseball glove say to the baseball?

Nothing; baseball gloves can't talk.

I used to laugh at Michael Jackson for wearing gloves and a mask.....

Yet here i am, stuck at home in this covid19 Thriller,
Beating it.....

“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” ...

... the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.” “Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his. “Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.” “Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl asked as she wrapped the gloves. ...

What do you call someone that occasionally likes gloves?

Intermitten

I'm having trouble keeping my hands warm with fingerless gloves.

Any tips?

Why did the chemist wear gloves to brush his teeth?

His mouth was 4 molar

Post your favorite nerd chem jokes!

A Proctology exam.

A man is sitting over the counter with his pants down at the doctors office.

The doctor comes in and sits down and starts working the gloves onto his hands.

“Alright Brian, it’s your first proctology exam, just sit back, relax, and try not to get an erection” the doctor says.

...

I was told that wearing a mask and gloves would be enough during the corona virus pandemic

but when I got to the store I was told that pants and a shirt were also required

There's shop in the mall selling ice picks, knives, leather gloves, shovels, brass knuckles, ropes, and women's stockings

It was called "Accessories To The Crime"

Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's Funeral?

The white ones were covered in brake fluid.

I tried texting with gloves and it just wouldn't work...

So I went back to texting with a phone.

I tried on my girlfriend's gloves. They actually looked amazing on me, but were hard to remove because of how tight they were.

I could pull them off, but I couldn't pull them off

A couple of policeman tried to arrest me for wearing a pair of humongous bear gloves.

I told them to check the Second Amendment.

Some of my friends have been making very hurtful remarks about my choosing to wear mittens rather than gloves...

...but I don't like to point fingers...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

There's a chef that doesn't bother putting gloves on before prepping his food

Now he's got a lot more thyme on his hands.

In a pinch, you can cut the fingers off of rubber gloves and use each of them as a contraceptive.

Just a handy tip.

I was in a restaurant one night the waiter was serving everything with white gloves on and tongs.

I asked why? He said we never touch anything with our bare hands.Then I noticed a string hanging from his fly and asked why it was there he told me when he uses the bathroom he pulls it out and never touches it.I asked well how do you get it back in your pants? He replied with these tongs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to Dicks Sporting Goods and bought a heavy bad and 14oz gloves. The checkout clerk asked me, "Do you wanna box for those?" ...

Why does it always have to be a fight with you people? Can't I just pay for them and go home?

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