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Feat Jokes

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The Hindenburg is the greatest feat of aeronautical engineering in all of human history

Edit: Holy shit this blew up

What concert costs 45 cents?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback


Go ahead, down vote me to oblivion

Knock knock.. (feat. My 9yo brother)

Knock knock..

\*sigh..\* Who's there?

Interrupting doctor

Interrupting doct--

You have cancer.

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A powerful Emperor advertised for a new Chief Samurai. Only three applied for the job: a Japanese, a Chinese and a Jewish Samurai,

Number One Samurai, "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor.

The Japanese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny box, and released a fly. He drew his samurai sword and "swish"; the fly fell to the floor, neatly divided in two!

"What a feat!" said the Emperor. "Number Two Sam...

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Three Vampires were discussing their feats

The first vampire said, "look at my skill" and poof he's gone in a blink of an eye. He comes back with his mouth covered in blood and says, "see that village over there? I have sucked dry all of the villagers' blood".
The second vampire was impressed but didn't want to seem inferior. Poof He's go...

The artist named “Feat” has a monopoly on the music industry and should be tracked down.

Every time I see a song, Feat is always on it. This is too suspicious, and must mean he has a monopoly on the recording industry. Maybe he has parents with connections, maybe he is holding someone hostage, or maybe it is something much worse. What is apparent though, is that he is definitely breakin...

There was a man who managed the feat of 100 children

He named each of them after numbers in the order they were born. There was a fire and all of them died except Ninety. Ninety went off to have kids of her own. They were very kind and loving.

One day they found an injured dog. They took it home and nursed it back to health. They hid the dog a...

I do have to admit that r/jokes is an incredible ecological feat.

Because of the recycling we are never going to run out of anything

I just finished "Podiatrist Simulator" on the highest difficulty level...

And let me tell you
That was no easy feat.

Whats the opposite of defeat?

Da hands.

Today I finally managed a feat coveted by many but achieved by few

I got the USB in by flipping it just twice.

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Raunchiest joke I told when I was younger (NSFW)

A beautiful woman approaches a man at a bar and offers him a proposition "For $200 I bet I can suck your dick and sing the national anthem at the same time." The man figures he can get some head and actually get paid for it, so he obliges. The woman takes him into the closet, starts sucking, and sur...

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Chris Brown is releasing a new album

It's called "My Greatest hits", There is some hard hits feat. Rihanna, Usher and a lot of unconfirmed "Artists".

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a whe...

Did you know a Kangaroo can jump higher than a house?

They can achieve this marvelous feat because houses can't jump.

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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A highly successful manager was going home in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass

Astonished by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the ...

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So the pentagon had to many generals...

so they had to fire a few, they would pay them 100,000$ per ft in anyway they wanted to be messured,

the army general wanted to be measured from his feat to the top of his head, he made 600,000$

the navy general wanted to be measured from his stomach around, he made 400,000$

the...

There was once a great Spanish magician

He was world-renowned for his incredible feats. His most famous act, though, was his vanishing act. He would count; uno, dos and suddenly he would disappear without a tres.

One dark night in Dublin, a fire started inside the local chemical plant . . .

In a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the centre of the...

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

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Zeus is offering a seat in his Pantheon for the first person to complete his trials of strength.

An esteemed hero of all men approaches Olympus and thinks hey, why the hell not. If I lose I may be disappointed, but if I win I will join the legendary Gods of the Pantheon!

So he makes his way to Zeus, excited to see what is in store for him in order to prove his worth to the Gods. Along th...

A bar owner puts out a challenge

He puts an ad in the paper saying that if anyone can beat his bartender in a feat of strength, then he will give them 10,000$. So people come from all over trying to win the money, bodybuilders, construction workers, boxers, but nobody can beat him. In order to win, they must squeeze just one drop o...

The crowd was tense with excitement as the final three Samurai faced off;

After a long day of competing it was the final round of competition to find who was indeed the master swordsman.

In a final challenge the three men had to show their prowess and concentration by slicing the finest of targets, a mere fly.

The first Samurai steps up to the stage a fly is...

Magic Show

During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir," the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you."

After a short pause, the man yelle...

Did I tell you I am putting together an expedition to capture the legendary Sasquatch?

If we're successful, it'll be no small feat.

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So, theres a manliest of the men competition where hundreds of men compete to find out who is the strongest.

The competition consists of three stages first being a pit that leads into a sea where hungry sharks are everywhere. After that there is a mossy swamp filled with alligators. Finally a jungle where tons upon tons of lions are. After a day goes by and no one is able to complete this competition the a...

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A man is driving down the highway and sees a sign on the side of the road that reads "Free talking dog".

He is skeptical but also curious and decides to pull over. He walks up to an old farm house and sees an old dog sitting on the porch. As he walks up the dog greets him with a "Hey, how's it going?"
The man is stunned as the dog stares at him waiting for a reply. Finally the man says "wow, this is...

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An old Jewish man rubs a lamp, and a genie emerges.

"For freeing me from the lamp, I will grant you one wish," the genie says.

The old man instantly pulls out a map of Israel and says, "My deepest wish is that the Jews, Muslims and Christians in the Holy Land will live together in peace and fellowship forever."

The genie hangs his head ...

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The story of the bull Pete the Ballsack and the cow Mary the Untouchable

Once upon a time, there was this bull named Pete the Ballsack. Pete the Ballsack was this alpha bull and could have any cow he wanted. All except one. The one that always seemed to get away was Mary the Untouchable. To Pete the Ballsack's defence, she was kept in a barbed-wire fence encasement, so i...

I'm learning how to make clown shoes...

It's no small feat.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people were huddled around a lab station for hou...

A long time ago...

For many years, a small indian village had been mistreated by a great fire breathing dragon. All the villages were too scared to even leave their houses at night, that was except for a young man named Urkake.

Urkake was a fearless fighter who swore to the village that he would slay the drago...

Why are foot models legends?

They have achieved incredible feats

The biggest country on earth

There was a country known for its population being too snobbish, everybody there acted in a superior way and that was becoming a bad thing to international relationships. So the president of this country decided to make a pronouncement on TV to try to work around this situation. He started by saying...

I just visited the Old Woman who Lived in a Shoe, and I loved her house.

It's an architectural feat.

I used to work for a traveling carnival.

My buddy got me the job as he was part of the show. He had spent years training bees to land in his hand without them stinging him. It was quite a feat. He even grew so attached the he named his most recent bee "Uty" as we were traveling through Utah at the time.

One day, I hear my buddy shou...

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Seeing everyone translating jokes from their mother tongues I want to try my hand at it

From Russian:

Drill sergeants office, another sergeant rushes in:

- Hey Johnson, all your squad is in the barracks fucking bench!

Sergeant jumps up, picks up his hat and storms into barracks. On the way he thinks to himself: "These damn recruits, can't last a week without a woma...

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Jebediah the shepherd wanted to make a statement about bullying and stood up at the town meeting.

"Friends, there is a cruel and unfair practice that is infiltrating our community. You may not have noticed, but it is here and it is doing grave damage to my sense of well being and comfort in our beautiful village.

Perhaps Englebert has noticed? The man who bakes our bread every day, who f...

The other day I failed my grade 10 English exam for the third year in a row

My friend called it quite a feat.

I smugly corrected him and said, "the singular is actually 'a foot.'"



How did that dumbass even pass??

A nightclub near me won an award for "The weirdest entry policy"

Which is no small feat.

I came up with a shoe company that specializes in selling oversize shoes

Which is no small feat

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Have you guys heard the secret about butter?

I don't want to tell you because you might spread it around...

BONUS:

What concert is cheaper than 50 cents to attend?

50 Cent feat. Nickelback

*BUHDUMCHHH*

An explorer was hacking his way through dense jungle...

... When he came across a large clearing. In the middle of the clearing was a dead elephant, and on top of the elephant sat a pygmy, whittling a stick and whistling a cheerful tune. The explorer approached carefully, and called out:

"I say! You there!"

The pygmy looked down. "What?"...

Three engineers are discussing God's engineering background.

The first one says, "God was clearly an electrical engineer. The human nervous system is a feat of electrical engineering genius!"

The second one says, "Absolutely not! He was a mechanical engineer. The way the muscles and bones interact are mechanically brilliant!"

The third one says,...

An Admiral visited one of the ships under his command.

While eating breakfast with the crew he was impressed to see the Naval insignia stamped on every biscuit.

He went to the Chief cook to ask how this feat was done, so it could be used on other ships under his command.

The Chief replied, "I'd be glad to share that with you, Admiral. Afte...

An amputist and a swordsman walk into a bar

The swordsmen and the amputist get into a fight, so the swordsmen challenges him to a duel.

"Careful," says the amputist. "I have dis-armed just as many men as you, and de-feated even more"

Polish Space Program

The polish space program recently revealed to the UN that they were preparing to attempt the first manned space mission to the surface of the sun. When asked how they were going to accomplish this feat they answered, "We are going at night".

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We all know about Little Johnny at r/jokes

All of us have heard tales of his feats. As a result, his teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your u...

People have been on the hunt for sasquatch for some time now.

Finding one has proven to be no small feat.

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The Lone Ranger..

and Tonto were riding when all of a sudden they were surrounded by Indians. That was when Tonto informed the Lone Ranger that he was tired of being his sidekick and sold him out. Once in captivity the Lone Ranger was given one last request from the Indian chief. He requested to speak to his horse, S...

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