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As an experiment, I combined some Viagra with penis enlarging pills and dissolved them in some eye drops.

It made me take a long, hard look at myself.

For an experiment, a chemistry teacher takes out a $20 bill and put it's in a bottle of ethanol. He then ask his students if it will dissolve.

*A student raise his hand to answer.*

Student: No it won't dissolve sir.

Teacher: Really good! Now can you explain to the rest of the class why?

Student: You're so cheap, there's no way you would've sacrificed that $20.

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Yesterday I dissolved a Viagra in my mouth just to see what would happen. I didn't get an erection,...

...but I did tell a few people some hard truths.

My Dad sent me this on Facebook, which means it’s almost guaranteed to be a repost. I touched it up a bit, but here you go: The Worst Day Ever

There I was, sitting at the bar, staring at my drink, when a large, troublemaking biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink, and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says menacingly.

I burst into tears. "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a comple...

My first attempt at writing a joke, please take it easy on me.

A man walks into a candy shop, as he is perusing around the shop he notices the shopkeep waving him over to the counter. Not sure what he is really looking for he makes his way over to the counter to see if the shopkeep can be of any assistance.

Man: I'm not quite sure what I'm looking for, n...

Why did the Bear dissolve in water?

He was polar

Cocaine is never a solution...

Unless it's dissolved in water.

Two bears are swimming in water, a black bear and a white bear. Which one dissolves?

The white one, because it's polar.

The Trump Foundation has dissolved and employees are going their separate ways...

Some arr going to Riker's and others are going to San Quinton.

Do not shampoo in the shower

I don't know why I didn't figure this out sooner.
I used shampoo in the shower and when we wash our hair the shampoo runs down our whole body.
Printed clearly on the shampoo label is the warning,

"For extra body and volume."

No wonder I have been gaining weight.
I got rid of s...

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[Long] A scientist is giving keynote speech about dissolvable food for babies

"Imagine if we lived in a world where you no longer had to worry about your children eating and getting food stuck in their airways...'

Gasps of amazement come from the crowd

"Imagine if they could still enjoy all of their favourite foods without any danger and don't need to be constan...

Students are smart

Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?

Student: No

Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?

Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn’t put...

Four rabbis are having a debate

Four rabbis are debating scripture out in the garden, and one of them notices he's continuously outvoted by the other three even though he's absolutely certain he's right. At a certain point, his frustration gets the best of him and he stands up, raises his hands and and says "My Lord, you must know...

A woman hits up a guy in a bar

They go to her apartment and make out. Then out of nowhere, the guy starts kissing her neck, softly at first, and then it bursts into a wild ride of biting and sucking, driving her into depths of pleasure she has never had. The guy seems to be pretty experienced, choking her and then stroking her ne...

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I think you'll like this joke, even though it's a little long

An Elderly Irish lady visits her physician
To ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.
"Not a chance" she replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.”
"What on Earth is Iri...

Alcohol is a perfect solvent

It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

Father Instructs

He sat down very seriously in front of his son, which the son realized meant one of those boring lectures was imminent.

Father produced a brandy snifter, into which he dropped an earthworm. He then took up a bottle of tequila and filled the glass with it.

The worm quickly dissolved. ...

Why do brits stir coffee clockwise and italians do it anticlockwise?

To dissolve the sugar

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

I used to be in a band named "fizzy tablet"

But we dissolved pretty quickly.

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The incredible human machine

* It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

* One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.

* The average man's penis is two times the length of his thumb.

* Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

* A woman's heart beats faster than a man's....

A man throws bears into lakes

A man travels the world, throwing bears into lakes. In Asia, he threw a sun bear into a lake, but all that happened was that the bear became angry. In North America, he threw a grizzly into a lake, and again it was angry. In Europe he threw in a brown bear, and again it was angry. Finally, he went t...

I was in a chemistry class

We were dissolving a solid pill in water. While everyone else's dissolved completely, mine had a few chunks left in the water. I asked the instructor what's the problem, but she just told me "whatever it is, you dont have a solution".

My friend recently worked at a sugar refinery factory...

until his position was dissolved.

A fly keeps annoying a spider, which is building his own web.

Annoyed, the spider rages: "Screw off 'ye annoying pest! Once this web is complete, I will catch you, I will tie you up and then dissolve you *while you are alive*!! Just wait until _tomorrow_ when this web is finished!"

The fly, unimpressed by the spider's threats, replies before it flies of...

A man goes to the doctor...

...with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the doctor gives the man a pill big enough to choke a horse.
"I'll be right back with some water," the doctor tells him.
The doctor has been gone a while and the man loses patience. He hobbles out to the drinking fountain, forces the pil...

Pluses in the Soviet Union

Two Ukrainians are drinking together. Between shots of vodka, they are discussing many issues. One of the men was but a very young child when the Soviet Union dissolved and Ukraine and the other former member states gained their independence. Having very little recollection of what life was like bac...

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"I went to the annual Dickens Fair, and now my wife wants a divorce."

A man trudges into a bar and slumps down on a stool.

"Hey, buddy," the bartender says, "you look pretty down. What's eating you?"

The man sighs and shrugs. "I went to the annual Dickens Fair, and now my wife wants a divorce."

"Isn't that just a bunch of Victorian costumes, usele...

A chemist, physicist, and engineer found a human thigh bone.

All three of them were cannibals.

The chemist licked it, and tried to put it into water to dissolve it.

The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.

The engineer took the bone, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

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Expat moving to Canada.

August 12,
We moved into our new house in Canada. I'm so excited. It's so nice. The mountains are beautiful. I cannot wait to see them covered with the snow.

October 14,
Canada. It is the most beautiful country in the world. Leaves turned all colors and shades of yellow and orange. I dr...

I went to a swimming pool with my bipolar friend

He dissolved

Soviet joke

Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissol...

A man went to the wishing well.

He wished for a superpower, any superpower at all.

The next day, he accidentally rammed into the wall, biting on the paint. He then dissolved into a sentient puddle, able to cover the places he moved around in paint.

"Whoa!" he said, changing out of that form. He rushed over to bite a...

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Three men crash land on a desert island, 3 days later they find a magic lamp in the sand on the beach

>**this joke works best if you do the actions when you're telling it**

The men get very excited about the lamp and as they dust the sand away it hums and buzzes before a genie emerges in a puff of blue smoke.

"You have freed me from my prison," says the Genie, "For this, I will give...

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