UPJOKE
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Consonant Jokes

What happened to the writer who could only write with consonants

He was disemvoweled

The quantity of consonants in the English language is constant.

If omitted in one place, they turn up in another. When a
Bostonian "pahks" his "cah," the lost r's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl wells."

28 consonants, 3 vowels, a question mark and 1 comma went to court

They're awaiting their sentence

I ate an expired can of alphabet soup...

Now I have severe cramps in my vowels and I've been in-consonant all day

Old Macdonald...

...spelled "redirection" without any consonants.

I just ate a scrabble set

Now I'm having consonant vowel movements

life with a daughter

SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.

Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?

Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.

Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.

...

I've lost all control of my vowels...

Now I'm completely in consonant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The history of the middle finger

I never knew this before, and now that I know it, I feel compelled to send it on to my more intelligent friends in the hope that they, too, will feel edified. Isn't history more fun when you know something about it?

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory ov...

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