Century Jokes - 63 Hilarious Century Jokes

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A Dirty Joke from the 14th Century

The joke comes to us from Jean de Conde of Hainaut, born 1275:

A game of truth-telling is being played at court by a Queen and her retinue. A knight is asked by the Queen if he has fathered any children; he is forced to admit that he has not.

The Queen nods in assent, saying "you do no...

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Once, in the fifteenth Century B.C., there lived a pharaoh.

And that pharaoh once got a sexually transmitted disease.

All the best medics of Egypt tried to cure him, but all have failed. Until one day, an old man told him that in one oasis to the west, there is an old sect of priests who know many secrets of medicine.

Quickly, the pharaoh order...

There's a depressed king back in the 14th century

And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor.

"I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester."

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A traditional piece of 20th century Jewish humour from Odesa, Ukraine

Early in the morning at the Pryvoz market, Benya meets Izya with a suitcase and three rubles in his hand. Benya asks, "Izya, where are you headed?"
Izya replies, "Ah, Benya, I'm going to the port. Finally decided to go to America, gonna buy some cable!"
"Well, good luck!" Benya responds, while...

Isn't it great to live in the 21st century?

Where deleting history has become more important than making it.

As we landed in Saudi Arabia the pilot announced "Ladies and Gentlemen don't forget to adjust your watches to local time"

I thought to myself how do I turn it back to the 7th century?

Really busy century in heaven

Three guys die and go to heaven. St. Peter says "Listen - we're having a really busy century, so we need to manage admissions tightly. Right now we can only admit people who have died in horrible fashions, and those who have died in a more mundane way will have to wait in limbo, and it could take a ...

Listen…did you know falcons only live 12-15 yrs? That means every falcon alive right now was born in the 21st century which makes them…

Millennium Falcons

What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?

One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.

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The weight loss method of the century.

A man is watching late night infomercials on a weekend night and sees an ad claiming their system will make you lose 10lbs in one week. The man calls and places an order and they tell him he'll have a package at the door on Monday. Monday morning he hears a knock on the door and answers it to see a ...

Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

I went back to the Jurassic period to hide from 19th-century female novelists

But Brontesaurus

What’s the most remarkable invention of the last century?

The whiteboard.

Charles Schulz died as one of the richest Americans of the 20th century

despite the fact he got his start making Peanuts.

Why did Wyoming grant women the right to vote nearly a century before the 19th Amendment?

It wasn’t hard to convince the 5 people who lived in Wyoming

What do you call 12th century guitar music transcribed into a computer format?

Midieval.

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Sandy was the youngest of five brothers born in a poor family in 19th century Scotland.

When he came of age, Sandy decided to cross the seas to America to seek his fortune. Scots are thrifty and hardworking, so Sandy prospered in his new home. After twenty years, he decided the time had come, so he booked passage on a sailing ship to cross the sea again and return to his native land fo...

What was Hungarian in the beginning of 20th century and went global in the 21st century?

Korona....

(Korona was the basic monetary unit of Hungary from 1892 to 1925)

Job security in the 21st century.

That’s the whole joke.

What's the difference between pirates in the 17th century and pirates in the 21st century?

The pirates back then got booty

21st Century

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...

What's the difference between a 19th century slave and a 21st century unpaid intern?

No, seriously, I want to know.

From a 19th Century Joke Book

Little Willie was six years of age and had a very bad habit of telling falsehoods about everything he saw or heard. One day, while out on the street playing, he saw a very large dog, and, becoming frightened, rushed into the house and said, “Oh, mother, I saw a big bear on the street and he chased m...

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced today that he'll be starring in a new movie about a 18th century composer

When asked about it it, Mr Schwarzenegger said "I'll be Bach"

What would a 19th century Russian sci-fi be called?

Tsar Wars.

World's oldest joke found in a 10th century book of anglo-saxon poetry :

What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that's it's often poked before?

A key....

Looking forward to Iran vs USA in the World Cup. A bunch of semi-literate religious fundamentalists stuck in the 19th century.

But I think Iran can probably beat them

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What do you call a constipated British detective from the 19th century?

No shit Sherlock

In the 17th century, people were so Baroque

They were luting in the streets

The three greatest disaster of the 20th century:

hiroshima '45

chernobyl '86

windows '95

Who is 6’5”, ripped, and loves 17th century European architecture?

Dwayne ‘Baroque’ Johnson

In the 15th century, the end of the plague was celebrated by mass orgies...

Anything similar being prepared for Covid? I'm asking for a friend...

What do I have in common with the 20th century?

In our 20s, we both suffered from a Great Depression

How does a pirate cat-call in the 21st century?

Yo-ho!

Pet store joke. This one is at least a half century old, but fwiw, I don't remember seeing it here yet...

A woman goes by a pet store and sees a sign saying "We specialize in the rare and unusual." Curious, she steps inside, and casually passes by the almost-usual: snakes, ferrets, tarantulas, macaws. She then notices a steel cage at the back of the store with a terrier-sized furry indistinct animal ...

Biggest joke of the century:

"Computers and mobile were meant to save our time"

There's an 18th century family

The children want to play horsey with their dad.

Child 1: All those in favor of father being the horse say Aye

Child 2: Aye

Child 1: Aye

Child 2: Father, what do you say?

Father: Neigh

When a 16th century hellscape painter was asked to paint the Peloponnese peninsula...

... He said: "You're on, isthmus!"

I asked my son if I could have the phone book. He laughed, shook his head: "You're so last century!", and handed me his mobile.

Long story short: the spider is now dead, son's phone is smashed and son is distraught.

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The 21st century is turning 18!

It's time for it to get properly fucked

An exam was taking place in Oxford's oldest and most traditional college...

The ancient hall was packed with students in deep concentration.

Halfway through, a student stood up, banged his desk and loudly demanded a pint of beer.

The head examiner, furious at the disruption, asked him to 'explain yourself at once'.

The student cited section 7.b of a lon...

I was going to tell a joke about 18th century philosophers...

But I just Kant.

What's the difference between a 19th-century American pioneer and a termite exterminator?

One passes through the good west and the other gasses through the wood pests.

Which is the shortest century?

The twenty-second century.

19th century monarchy humor, anyone?

So Otto von Habsburg walks into a sports bar, sees a game on, and asks the bartender who's playing. "Austria and Hungary," he replies. Otto: "Yeah, who are they playing against?"

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My favourite porn category is the one where girls quote 19th century Irish writers

Girls Gone Wilde.

Hershey bars have dominated chocolate for over a century

It's nearly 2019 now. Is anyone else not offended we still don't have a Himhe bar?

What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?

I'm Gladiator.

The Lord of an 19th century English manor is having an affair with one of his chambermaids...

One day the chambermaid is giving him a blow-job when she hears the lady of the house approaching. She stops what she's doing and looks up at him. At that moment, he climaxes and manages to get some right in her eye.

It's messy and burning, she runs to the door, rubbing her face and tearing u...

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

Did you hear about the storm of the century in Columbus?

Neither did I because, It was just rain and the lightning never showed up.

In the early 20th Century,

Thomas Edison was spreading the word about electricity.

Once, while vacationing out West, he stopped at the Sioux reservation. Edison was shocked to learn that there was no indoor plumbing, and that he would have to use an outhouse. In fact, he was told, the Sioux had to use the outhouse reg...

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What do you call a 20th century grammar nazi?

Alt-Write

What would you call a famous president in the 17th century?

Baroque Obama.

The "teen" years of the 21st century didn’t end in 2019 like they were supposed to

Twenty-Thir TEEN
Twenty-Four TEEN
Twenty-Fif TEEN
Twenty-Six TEEN
Twenty-Seven TEEN
Twenty-Eight TEEN
Twenty-Nine TEEN
Quar-an TEEN

The plastic straw bans now happening in many cities were predicted by a 16th Century prophet.

His name was No-straw-damus.

I went back in time to meet a great classical composer of the 18th century but I couldn't meet him

He was out choping

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

At the turn of the last century, Mexico was introduced to mayonnaise.

And they just loved it. They couldn't make mayonnaise quick enough.

Little known fact, the Titanic had a large vat of mayonnaise that was going to go to Mexico.

Now when the Titanic sunk, and the mayonnaise we...

Where does a 19th century Russian imperialist get his coffee?

Tsarbucks.

In the 18th century it was common practice to ignore negative numbers

People stopped at nothing to avoid them

Charles ran a successful fur business in early 20th century New York.

He was always humane about the treatment of his animals before they were killed and made sure the rest of the animal didn't go to waste. However, rather than making a massive profit, he'd often donate warm fur clothes to poorer children. He lived comfortably, but always tried to maintain his philant...

What did the 18th century German composer say when he needed to use the bathroom?

“I’ll be right Bach, I need to make a movement”

18th Century Arms Dealer Receives Concussion on First Day at Work

A burgeoning blunderbuss broker braved and bore the brunt of a bludgeoning to the brain.

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